I want to make it clear that this is MY blog.
A place where I can vent, share and get input from other people. The premise of my post are centred around REAL people and real situations.
I will try to keep names secret, but I am sure if anyone knows me they could very well figure it out. I am not writing things to hurt people, the exact opposite is true.
Last night I was talking to my mom, and she informed me that she was "retiring"! Normally that wouldn't be such a big deal except she is only 56, and has lived in subsidised housing for 20+ years, I know she doesn't have enough saved to retire comfortably. She has been an associate at a major department store for 20 years, and has not been happy there for at least 5. She feels she has been discriminated against because she is older and has back issues.
So she is retiring in 3 weeks and told me not to worry about here because she is getting a job at "Mary Browns" chicken place. I just really don't know what to think of this? I personally feel that she is to good to work at a fast food place part time and should be looking for something unionised.... I guess I am just really worried....
Today Hubby and I are going to work on our yard. Since our house is new-ish we need to lay topsoil and sod. I have come to the conclusion that yardwork and children are the true test of whether you have a good marriage or not. Hubby is spewing orders at me, although he looks extremely cute all muddy and stuff, I am trying to not take it personally!
I hate HATE yardwork, getting dirty and playing with bugs and shovels has never been my "thing". If we are still married by the end of the day.....I'm certain we will last forever LOL
I hate HATE HATE being a working mom. We don't make enough for me to be able to stay home with the kids full time, yet working full time I still don't make enough to afford daycare for my two boys. Which leaves me having to work nights and weekends.
I never get to see my hubby and I am constantly left out of "family" outings on the weekend because I am at work and cant afford to miss a shift. Up until recently everything has been going well, but yesterday it all went to shit!!! My job has decided that I need to be available 24/7 to keep my position, or drop to a casual position which has no guaranteed hours.
I am stressed to the max, I am crazy worried. In my head we have already lost the house, it amazes me how my thoughts can go from mundane to insane in the matter of seconds. Right now I cant do anything until they make their final decision. So all I can do is worry and pray...
I find that the way you perceive yourself and the way others perceive you are totally different.
In my life I have known many people who think they are worthless and I think they are strong and worthy of a great many things. On the other hand I have also known people who think they are great and are actually far far from it. This becomes especially true once you throw children into the mix.
Recently I was looking after my friends child, they were mouthy and defiant. I tried talking to them and they proceeded to laugh and stare at the wall. Pretending I wasn't there at all, I asked "would you like me to call your mom and have her pick you up?"
They didn't answer me, so I grabbed the phone and called, I didn't want the child to think I was wasn't going to follow thru.
My phone call was not well received by the mom. She didn't want to leave and grab them. A while later the child started to throw up, again I called the mom. What happened next shocked me, I was told that my "yelling" had caused the child to become physically ill! Finally she came and picked him up.
I was emotionally distroyed. I would never ever abuse a child with words or otherwise, and it killed me to think that someone else did. I will admit I am not the best parent out there, and I wish there was a manual out there. If my child was mouthy and rude I would definitly want to know.
Was I wrong? Is there an unwritten "mom code" that I'm not aware of?
When I have nothing to distract me, I am forced to listen to what's insider head. It scares me because alot of it is crazy and irrational, I would definitely "what if" myself to death if I could, I am constantly putting myself in "worst-case scenarios".
The worst time of day fore is the what I call "twilight" it's the hour or so that I lay in bed and wait to fall asleep. My mind goes crazy....
What if I get sick and can't work?
How will I pay the bills and how long could I go without a steady paycheck?
What if my hubby left me?
Where would I go?
Who would take the kids?
What If I died?
Who would show up at the funeral?
What would people say?
What do people say?
And on and on and on..... Some nights guided meditations help. I would recommend anything by Simonette Vaja, she has quick little "mini-vacation"meditations that are 10minutes long..
does any one else have "busy head" right before they fall asleep??
I was kind of stuck with what to write, so I went to a site that hundreds of creative writing prompts, I randomly chose "write about your weirdest day at work, so here it is.......
Billie Jean by Michael Jackson has always been one of my favourite songs. A couple of weeks ago it was playing at work and I just couldn't help my self I started grooving. Just a subtle shoulder thing. An older guy walked in and said "YOU'VE GOT TO GIVE MICHAEL ALL YOU'VE GOT"! He then grabbed my hand and led me out from my counter and we danced! It was like I was 12 again and dancing in my bedroom with my BFF. we just totally let loose and shook our troubles away, we sang loud and off key.
People always told me be careful of what you do
And don't go around breaking young girls' hearts
She came and stood right by me
Then the smell of sweet perfume
This happened much too soon
She called me to her room
Billie Jean is not my lover
She's just a girl who claims that I am the one
But the kid is not my son
Billie Jean is not my lover
She's just a girl who claims that I am the one
But the kid is not my son
She says I am the one, but the kid is not my son
Everyone in the store was staring, but at the end of song we were greeted with a round of applause.
