My oldest son gave me my Mother's Day gift tonight, and I cried. I read all about how much he loves me, loves my hugs, and loves the way I make soup. What really hit me was when he wrote "if I could give my mommy one special gift it would be money to buy more food"

It made me think of my childhood, and how poor I grew up. I personally think we have an abundance of food, it just takes some thought to prepare. Just because you can't eat it immediately doesn't mean there is NO food in the house. HELLO it's called defrost! 

My mom did they best she could and I love her  for that. Now that I am older and a mom myself, I finally realize just how hard it was.  My mom is an amazing warrior woman. 

Happy Mother's Day! 
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I used to love my job, but now I'm not so sure. I love the location and the people I work with it. The pay is good and it is union, so I am protected. But my immediate boss is like nails on a chalk board. He's all nice to me when I am around and then it get back to me that he's talking shit behind my back. Normally I would confront him, but he is accommodating my schedule with my childcare needs.

I got royally crapped on for switching a shift and missing a course because my boys were sick and no one could take care of them. He also scheduled me to work 11-8 on Mother's Day Sunday, I am the only "mom" at my location. I felt that this was a personal dig at me to gets back for missing that course.

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Last night I was talking to my mom, and she informed me that she was "retiring"!  Normally that wouldn't be such a big deal except she is only 56, and has lived in subsidised housing for 20+ years, I know she doesn't have enough saved to retire comfortably.  She has been an associate at a major department store for 20 years, and has not been happy there for at least 5.  She feels she has been discriminated against because she is older and has back issues.

So she is retiring in 3 weeks and told me not to worry about here because she is getting a job at "Mary Browns" chicken place.  I just really don't know what to think of this?  I personally feel that she is to good to work at a fast food place part time and should be looking for something unionised.... I guess I am just really worried....
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Today Hubby and I are going to work on our yard.  Since our house is new-ish we need to lay topsoil and sod.  I have come to the conclusion that yardwork and children are the true test of whether you have a good marriage or not.  Hubby is spewing orders at me, although he looks extremely cute all muddy and stuff, I am trying to not take it personally!

I hate HATE yardwork, getting dirty and playing with bugs and shovels has never been my "thing".  If we are still married by the end of the day.....I'm certain we will last forever LOL

I hate HATE HATE being a working mom.  We don't make enough for me to be able to stay home with the kids full time, yet working full time I still don't make enough to afford daycare for my two boys.  Which leaves me having to work nights and weekends.

I never get to see my hubby and I am constantly left out of "family" outings on the weekend because I am at work and cant afford to miss a shift.  Up until recently everything has been going well, but yesterday it all went to shit!!!  My job has decided that I need to be available 24/7 to keep my position, or drop to a casual position which has no guaranteed hours.

I am stressed to the max, I am crazy worried. In my head we have already lost the house, it amazes me how my thoughts can go from mundane to insane in the matter of seconds. Right now I cant do anything until they make their final decision. So all I can do is worry and pray...
I find that the way you perceive yourself and the way others perceive you are totally different.

In my life I have known many people who think they are worthless and I think they are strong and worthy of a great many things. On the other hand I have also known people who think they are great and are actually far far from it. This becomes especially true once you throw children into the mix.

Recently I was looking after my friends child, they were mouthy and defiant. I tried talking to them and they proceeded to laugh and stare at the wall. Pretending I wasn't there at all, I asked "would you like me to call your mom and have her pick you up?"
They didn't answer me, so I grabbed the phone and called, I didn't want the child to think I was wasn't going to follow thru.

My phone call was not well received by the mom. She didn't want to leave and grab them. A while later the child started to throw up, again I called the mom. What happened next shocked me, I was told that my "yelling" had caused the child to become physically ill! Finally she came and picked him up.

I was emotionally distroyed. I would never ever abuse a child with words or otherwise, and it killed me to think that someone else did. I will admit I am not the best parent out there, and I wish there was a manual out there. If my child was mouthy and rude I would definitly want to know.

Was I wrong? Is there an unwritten "mom code" that I'm not aware of?

I live my life my way,
Laughing to loud and often
In unexpected places
Crazy insane beautiful  
I tie the ribbon in a foolish way

The delicious fragility of this travesty 
I am reminded of daily

A love come true 
Where we can still laugh and wish
Where I am you and you are me
Unconditionally forever