I find that the way you perceive yourself and the way others perceive you are totally different.
In my life I have known many people who think they are worthless and I think they are strong and worthy of a great many things. On the other hand I have also known people who think they are great and are actually far far from it. This becomes especially true once you throw children into the mix.
Recently I was looking after my friends child, they were mouthy and defiant. I tried talking to them and they proceeded to laugh and stare at the wall. Pretending I wasn't there at all, I asked "would you like me to call your mom and have her pick you up?"
They didn't answer me, so I grabbed the phone and called, I didn't want the child to think I was wasn't going to follow thru.
My phone call was not well received by the mom. She didn't want to leave and grab them. A while later the child started to throw up, again I called the mom. What happened next shocked me, I was told that my "yelling" had caused the child to become physically ill! Finally she came and picked him up.
I was emotionally distroyed. I would never ever abuse a child with words or otherwise, and it killed me to think that someone else did. I will admit I am not the best parent out there, and I wish there was a manual out there. If my child was mouthy and rude I would definitly want to know.
Was I wrong? Is there an unwritten "mom code" that I'm not aware of?
Just this past week I found out that 4 long term relationships/marriages were over. Some of them were close friends of mine, the others not so close but still within my circle. I was shocked and saddened, but not for them! I know the 4 women personally and I KNOW they are strong and can make it. I was shocked because all I thought about was myself!
Hubby and I just celebrated 15 years, and here I was thinking of how I would feel if we split up? How would MY kids feel? How would I support us? How would I get up in the morning? Then the guilt wave rolled in.... How could I possibly be thinking of myself, Hubby and I are happy, I was in the middle of planning a party for our anniversary and then I "gloom and doomed" myself. What kind of a person am I when I cant even feel for my friends and instead torture myself with "what-if?"
Next Friday is my supervisors last day at work. I like to think we were close. We would go for coffee breaks together and chit chat about our husbands and favourite tv shows.
I decided to have a going away party for her, I was asking the rest of the staff for money to contribute to her cake and maybe some flowers. Little did I know that was a big joke....
No one wanted to put in money, so I said "you guys suck! I'll go ahead and get her a cake myself, maybe I'll make one. Just because she a hard ass at work doesn't mean she isn't a nice person...."
Then my co-workers started laughing and asked me why I cared so much about someone who hates me!
I felt humiliated, and everything I had confided in her played back in my mind. Did she really care or was she just fishing for information to use against me? I haven't seen her since, but I do plan on confronting her. Should I? Or should I just be the bigger person, throw the party and let it be?
